it`s me.......

wow, I`ve been gone too long. Not much going on just trying to keep moving. It gets harder and harder these days. Could be old age...gotta be this disease. Oh well, Mom has moved to Wash. and everyone is so spread out. It`s difficult to keep in touch with family but, there all I have left who understand this walk we are on. Jaron is getting older[12] and doesn`t want to see or hear his parents and Jaylee....my little baby will be 3 at the end of this month! Jason my oldest son[26 yikes!] will be getting orders for Texas and may be getting shipped off to Iraq.......maybe I will be able to meet my first grandchild he`ll be 1 year old. I had a fall 3-weeks ago and broke my nose, boy was that painful! I am now using a walker in the house and curtailed going out to once or twice a month. Falls in the backyard too...Lord will it ever end........I don`t want to sit but it`s getting harder and harder to keep my resolve. The pain and worse what if I`m all alone with Jaylee, she could be traumatized or worse left without supervision if I knock myself out. I have an appt with the Muscular Dystrophy Dr. tomorrow, why do I go???? no cure, I guess maybe to commiserate. I want to run...I want coordination......I want to be graceful.........Dad says I have a curse-not enough faith-don`t take the right vitamins....I wish it was so simple. I pray and beg and walk in faith but thats not working. I feel like I just need to be quiet and be thankful but Dad says no.....I`m tired of being ashamed and weak and useless. I still cook and clean and take of my family. Eddie I think, after 23 years is good friends........it`s hard to keep romance in a marriage when your disabled. I know I`m not what I use to be...I watch the world and do not participate.......Jaylee she keeps me alive